Life Changing Decision

Six months ago I wrote my blog entitled ‘Toughest Decision Ever.’ It was based on my decision to go back to work full time after being home with my twins for two years through mat leave and then an unpaid leave of absence.

In January we started the task that many other parents endure of transitioning our kids into daycare.

I returned back to work, to all of my colleagues, to my old desk that had barely been touched. To a career that I had gone to school for, volunteered at to gain experience, a career that challenged me in many amazing ways over the past 14 years…and yet, it just wasn’t enough anymore.

My girls were being well taken care of by someone I trusted. They had made new friends and their vocabulary increased daily, but I was missing them.

I grew up with a stay at home mom. My mom left her career when I was born and stayed home until my brother and I were older. It’s something I grew up with and loved and it’s something I always hoped I could do. Yet I never knew if it was possible. Life is so much more expensive these days; we have more things, more bills, more luxuries, so figuring out a way for our family of four plus our dog to live on a single income seemed daunting.

Time continued on; the girls kept growing and learning and I continued seeing them for an hour in the morning and three hours at the end of the day before bed, and it just wasn’t enough.

I was working in the field that I loved, but the industry had changed and so had I. Ultimately the decision came down to the love of my career vs the love of my kids. Having said that, I have no problem being a working mom, but right now my girls outweighed my career.

When my husband and I started talking about the possibility of me staying home to raise our kids the question of whether I wanted to be home with them all day, everyday didn’t even come into play. That was a no brainer.

What I had to come to terms with was leaving my career. The television industry and journalism as a whole is a very tough business to get into. 14 years ago it was difficult and it’s even harder now. So quitting my job didn’t just mean losing a job…it meant the possibility that I might never be able to get back into the industry that I knew and loved for so many years. Was I able to wrap my head around this possibility and accept whatever happened? Turns out, I could…after a bit of soul searching.

The last obstacle to overcome was the lack of a pay check. When it comes to daycare, when you have two in there at the same time it really doesn’t leave much of a pay check to speak of. After juggling some numbers and rejigging our savings and investments (not to mention having accountants in the family to help us wrap our heads around the numbers) we realized that, yes, we might actually be able to do this.

The day arrived for me to give my two-weeks notice. My heart felt like it was beating through my chest and I almost tossed my cookies on the way into my bosses office.

Although definitely surprised, he handled the news with grace as did the rest of my colleagues.

Two weeks passed, I wrapped up loose ends and handed off all of my assignments to the producers assigned. I had a wonderful send off, handed in my swipe card and walked out the doors for the very last time.

I think I’m still in a bit of shock about making such a huge decision. It wasn’t made on a whim, it was definitely one that we weighed heavily. Regardless, it still doesn’t seem real, more like I’m on an extended vacation. I’m sure in time, that will change.

So stay tuned for more blogs all about my life as a stay at home mom. Did I mention I’m also watching my one-year old niece during the week as well? Yep, three kids under the age of three. Lots to blog about. Stay tuned.

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