Some mommy groups are not for me

After my son was born I started to go to a local mommy group. I loved it so much, mostly because it was real. It was a group of women who talked about real feelings. What it really feels like when you are so tired and you’re baby won’t stop crying. About when your husband tells you it’s about time you lose your baby weight (what a jerk that guy was). About why breastfeeding, even though you are happy to do it, sometimes just plain old sucks!

I loved that group. It helped me a lot every Wednesday afternoon. I could speak openly about what I was going through, and be comforted that other women in my community felt the same way.

Well, let me tell you just how special that group really was. After my second baby was born, my ‘circle of trust’ mom group was no longer around, so I searched for another group of mommies I could vent with. No such luck.

This is what I found: Try to imagine sitting in a room with moms lovingly staring at their babies. Some babies just laying there, some cooing and trying to roll over, some crying, and some – not mine – sleeping. A room filled with smiling mommies, doting on their ‘bundles of joy’.

Imagine the silence in the room when I was complaining about something or other, and ended it with “…I swear I was ready to jump off the roof!” You could almost hear a pin drop. Well, let’s just say that that was the last time I went to that mom group. I was so busy and overwhelmed with my two babies and growing business that, sadly, I didn’t have the time to look for another one.

Truth be told, I absolutely can’t stand it when women/moms “pretend” that everything is just perfect all the time. Who are you trying to impress exactly? That day one woman actually said, “I really don’t mind waking up every two hours, she’s just so beautiful during middle of the night feedings”. Her baby was 14 months old. SERIOUSLY? Either something is really wrong with ME or these women are looking through some pretty strong rose-coloured glasses. It’s hard enough being a mom, the last thing we need are moms who pretend that everything is a-ok all the time. Hey, here’s a thought: maybe it is to some women…hmmm. I still say no.

Let’s all band together and talk about what really sucks about mothering, and let’s all talk about what’s really great about it. Let’s just be honest with each other, that way nobody needs to feel inadequate or like they are doing something wrong.

I’m glad that my first experience with a mommy group was such a good one. I feel sorry for the first time moms that were at that second group I went to. I have faith that most mom groups aren’t like that. But, hey, if you have an extra pair of those rose-coloured glasses, can you send them to me?

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