Miscarriage: Feeling Whole Again

I should have expected that it would happen. My group of girlfriends and I all got married within two years of each other. Almost immediately following the vows came the question “So, when are you planning on having kids?”

So it shouldn’t have been a surprise when my best friend announced to me on my 30th Birthday that she was expecting her first baby in the summer.

All it took was one to get the ball rolling. Within 12 weeks my next bestie shared her happy news of pregnancy. Both mommies-to-be squeaking with delight that it happened on their first try!

For us, it didn’t happen our first try, or our second, not until our sixth month of trying did the ‘baby dust’ stick.

After months of ovulation tests, we had finally conceived our first child. We were ecstatic!

My husband, being very traditional wanted to wait until just shy of 12 weeks to share the news with our family and our closest friends. So we waited… a long two months and three weeks of me pretending to drink wine and wear non-revealing clothing until the day that we finally shared our news.

Our family and friends were elated. My two best friends and I were due to have our first borns all within four months of each other. I remember one of my girlfriends saying, “Now it finally feels complete.”

That sense of ‘complete’ didn’t last very long. On the day that would’ve marked our 12 week point, putting us in the ‘safe zone’ I wound up in the hospital. I had started spotting.

After a very long night, a very in depth ultrasound and numerous doctors asking “How far along are you?” I was told the baby had stopped developing at just six weeks and I would have to have a D&C to remove it.

The surgery was painless, but the heartache afterwards was not. I went through all types of emotions, especially when we had to tell our family and friends less than a week after announcing our good news that we had lost the baby.

The one comfort I did find was talking about it. I soon discovered that many women I know had gone through a miscarriage, yet, hardly any of them spoke of it. The more I talked, the more I accepted it and the comfort soon came. It wasn’t a constant comfort, some nights I would cry feeling empty inside physically and emotionally. Others, I would take comfort knowing that for whatever reason, my body just wasn’t ready for that particular pregnancy.

I learned to accept and move on and share my story hoping it would help others facing a similar situation.

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