Chivalry is dead

Chivalry has to be dead as we are losing our compassion for others that need a seat on the TTC!

Okay…so picture this:  I got caught in a huge rain storm on my way to Women’s College Hospital for work so I was soaked from head to toe, literally.

Now, I know that the morning trains are packed with people that have not had a good night sleep or are in the midst of a sleep on their way to work…but seriously people…what’s the matter with you!

So, the TTC conductor had just advised that we were going to be delayed because of some track problems (of course!).  It begins to become warmer in the train car while we wait so I unzip my jacket to display my four month baby bump.  I realize that some women don’t show until about 7 months but because this is my fourth pregnancy in about 5 years, I was showing!

It’s funny to see how people react to a baby bump when there are no vacant seats.  Women just look around you as if to concentrate on the advertisements and men just close their eyes as if the baby bump had some trance over them that automatically put them to sleep…I wish it had that power on my children!

So I spent the next 20 to 30 minutes watching the passenger’s reactions without once being offered a seat!   This can only lead me to believe that these passengers thought that I was fat.  Anatomy lesson for you morons:  When a woman has a large bulge solely in the uterus area, they are pregnant!!

Even before I was pregnant, I always gave up my seat to the elderly and any pregnant woman, what’s wrong with people today?  Why are people not considerate of others?  Are we breeding people that are so selfish and inhumane that they can’t even give up a seat for about 20 minutes…trust me a majority of those people could have used the exercise you would obtain from standing!

All I’m saying is that if you see a pregnant woman that looks pregnant, at the very least, offer up your seat to her.  Remember this could have been your mom, your sister, your aunt or your daughter…treat others as you would want to be treated and let’s start being nice for the sake of showing our children that chivalry is not dead.

— Claire Moscone-Biafore

  • Cwillson88

    My dear I know exactly how you feel. After long days at a daycare center, I would get onto the train and people would just turn away. I’ve got about 5 weeks to go right now and I think I’ve only had just over a handful of offers since I’ve been showing.   

  • Catti_be

    I had simular situations when waiting for blood work or even at the ultra sound appointments (if you can believe that!) chivalry to me is common courtesy for your fellow man and I found it doesn’t get better once babe is in arms.  People not holding doors for the woman with the stoller and I swear that when people in cars see me they either speed up so I can cross or revese out of the parking spot as quickly as possible as soon as they see me walking close. 

  • BabiesRtheNewBlack

    I know how you feel, but just as devil’s advocate I will say that I honestly believe people aren’t 100% sure that you are pregnant vs overweight and NO one wants to make that mistake (offer you the seat if you are overweight, rather than pregnant), especially only 4 months along. I think people are/look uncomfortable because they are trying to decide which category you are in (preggers or fat). I noticed the same awkwardness in T1 and T2, but now that I have a nice “pregnant” shape to my belly, people have no issue jumping up and giving me a seat.  Remember you may see the difference in your body and see it as obviously pregnant, but many strangers cannot.

    • Maria123

      I have a very pregnant shape to my very pregnant belly, and both seated men and women magically close their eyes and fall “asleep” upon viewing my baby bump, when they were previously wide awake.  I agree with the author, unfortunately, chilvalry is dead

  • Agnikus

    I had similar experiences, unfortunatelly, even worse. While shopping for groceries I’ve been bumped and pushed quite few times and noone even bothered to say sorry… Once a man got in front of me in the line and yield at me :” I was here first”. That man was with his two little kids, that I just felt so sorry for having such terrible role model as a father. People please be a little bit more compassionate and understanding.

  • Jennifer Pikor

     I completely understand! It happened to me when I was days over-due.  In my case a man refused to move his bag which was occupying a seat! UUggghhh!  Now my problem seems to be the TTC itself.  How to get around with a stroller.  The TTC is definitely not stroller friendly.  Thank goodness there are some nice people who actually have helped me lift the stroller in and out of street cars. I understand the operators are not suppose to but…… And you got to love the young abled bodies who just stand and watch you struggle.  I won’t even get into trying to find the elevators and which stations they are in!!  But the still say ride the rocket its the better way. HA!

  • Jit

    I know exactly how you feel I had the same problem when my daughter was younger. My daughter was born with CP and I remember times when I would get on the bus with her and no one would get up to offer a seat. Now that my daughter is older she faces the same problem herself not just with busses but also when she goes to the movies or some place where there is designated seating for the disabled there will be abled bodied people seating there and they refuse to get up! Sometimes when my daughter has gone and got management of the place the people sitting there get mad at her! Now I must say that she has met some nice people who have offered her help I just wish that it happened more often.

  • Shelleyverkerk

     They should have designated seats for pregnant ladies (and elderly of course).  Sometimes when trains or buses stop, you have to hang on for dear life!  Not safe, especially when thereis nothing to hang on to!

  • AML

    I’ve got a better one for you….

    On more than one occasion, when visiting my OB at Mount Sinai I have stood and waited for my appointment while the partners/husbands of other patients have occupied available seats in the waiting room.  I don’t know who’s worse – the fathers with their heads in their iphones or the other soon-to-be Moms who do nothing to point out their blatant ignorance.


  • Charlotte M

    Are you kinding,  am not at all surprised. My daughter is a year and three months. When i was seven months pregnant I was on the TTC taking my seven year old to school. As I stepped down on the first step I hit slush and went flying down the stairs hitting every step. As I layed there no one got off the bus, my son was crying and whent he driver got off to help me up then called an ambulance the passengers gave me dirty looks as they got off the bus. Nice eh, I was always taught to do nice things because it will come back in the end. But it’s just that, being nice is what should be common sense. 

  • Lisa

     I unfortunately had the same experience on the Go train last year.  I learned after 5.5 months that the best bet was to get on at the Wheelchair coach and the conductor would make someone give up their seat for me.  The rest of my pregnancy on the train was much easier as the regular passengers would see me coming and give up their seat.  There were a few times when I was 8 months pregnant and the conductor was still asking for me.  It’s a shame to see where humanity has gone.

  • Guest

     Gimme a break women.  You can’t scream for equal rights in one breath & then complain because you didn’t get preferential treatment in the next.  You must be so hard done by that you can’t stand for 20min. when you’re not even half way through your pregnancy.  I bet you’re the same mom that lets the tv be the kids babysitter all day long too.  We euthanize pets when they’re old & sick, should we do the same for the elderly?

    • Scott

      Wow, that is unbelievable, and of course you are hiding behind a nameless “guest” post.  Equal rights have little to do when you are carrying another human life.  I’m guessing you don’t have a significant other in your life that has ever carried a child.  I you do I’m guessing that’s why you choose not to use your name.

      My wife was greeted with equally deplorable behavior in Toronto “the good” on “the better way” when carrying both of our children even in her 8th month.  

      City TV tried an “undercover” experiment with a pregnant person on the buses and had great success in having seats offered… amazing how selfless people become when there is a tv camera pointed at them… 

      You are gem of humanity “guest” 

    • Amy

      This is the reaction from somebody who has never been expecting!! You have no idea how difficult it can be for a pregnant woman to do certain things that she did before she was pregnant. Standing for long periods of time take on a whole new meaning when pregnant. Empathy isn’t your strong point, is it? I completely agree, Scott! 

    • Claire

      It sounds like someone else has been hard done.  You obviously don’t know that I’ve written numerous articles for Oh Baby Magazine on exercise and pregnancy, am a call person on the exercise and pregnancy phone line for Canada, and have been exercising through out (when they’ve not been high risk) all of my pregnancies.  I don’t believe in equal rights, I believe in being humane and compassionate no matter what you are.  You obviously didn’t get the gist of the post and you obviously were one of the one’s that didn’t give up a seat or would never give up a seat….a human quality that your parents forgot to pass onto you.  To follow up, when you have a “high risk” pregnancy and must still support a family with work then you have no choice but to work. The post was meant to shed light on a pet-peeve of mine that people, obviously like yourself, are less compassionate, selfish and inconsiderate of other people’s situations.  Good luck with you!

  • Skwishee

    Really, it shouldn’t matter if you’re pregnant or “just fat”. If someone is looking like they’re having difficulty – no matter what the reason – they’d probably appreciate a seat.

    I remember being offered a seat exactly once on the subway because I was visibly pregnant. I also remember the time, in my 8th month, when I was standing in the packed subway and some guy jabbed me in the belly with the corner of his (quite heavy) laptop case. Not even an apology.

  • Eszence

     I feel for you!! when I was pregnant I had to ride the subway to go down town to the same hospital, during rush hour is the worst…people are so rude down town my gosh they don’t give 2 shits if your pregnant or old..they will walk right into you all over you and bump into you without even saying sorry just rushing away or looking at you like you were in the wrong and now they are even more late for work because of you. I dreaded going to the hospital because of this.. I am pregnant with my second child now and I changed hospitals I will never do that again!!!

  • chelleb

    You know what? I haven’t had that issue yet, but I have NO problem  sweetly asking some able-bodied, unencumbered person if I could please have their seat because I am pregnant. Who could say no?  =)

  • Grantsmom

    Buses in Ottawa have priority seating at the front but believe it or not at 8 months pregnant and being stuck on a bus in a snowstorm for 45 mins. not one person offered, I finally asked somebody, I am pretty shy, just because I was going to pass out. Its not only pregnant woman though, people don’t hold doors for anyone else these days, or help somebody who looks like they are struggling. It would do our world a whole lot of good if people would start showing some respect and compassion for one another.

Become an
Baby Care Tips Member

for exclusive contests, articles and promotions!

Featured Bloggers

Baby Care & Parents Information - Oh Baby! Magazine Canada