The Unwanted Advice
Having a D&C can take quite a toll on a person. Aside from the aches and pains following the procedure, I didn’t feel like I knew my body anymore. I couldn’t eat certain foods and drinking milk quickly became a thing of the past.
I started a gentle cleanse consisting of raw/organic foods and drinking an ounce of boiled parsley and ginger root for almost a month. Yuck.
I never did get my ‘old self’ back but I found a way of dealing with my newly developed intolerances by eating differently and working out regularly.
After going through a miscarriage my husband and I found support in many different forms. Family will be there with hugs and even offer to make meals. Co-workers will offer support by means of limited workloads and time off. Friends will do their best to listen and try to keep your spirits up by saying “Well now you know you can get pregnant. It’ll just be a matter of time.”
We heard this lot.
Friends and acquaintances offering what they felt was positive advice. “Don’t worry; it’ll happen for you guys.” “I just know you’re going to be a mom one day.” All the while I felt as if I was being drowned by Facebook feeds of ultrasound pictures announcing pregnancies and newborn pictures announcing the arrival of little bundles of joy.
The thing that sounded like nails on a chalkboard was the comment “just don’t think about it and it will happen.” Those few words were the absolute worst sound to my ears. I mean, let’s be honest, it’s not as if the thought of getting pregnant completely took over my life, but to suggest that I just push the thought from my mind, especially after going through a miscarriage…well that just wasn’t happening.
I kept busy filling my days with work, the gym and even a trip with my husband to Jamaica, trying to just enjoy life and not ‘think about it” all the while wondering on the trip if this could be it.
I went to the hospital a number of times to get checked. Internal ultrasounds determined everything was A-Okay, yet we still weren’t having any luck conceiving.
Eight months had passed since my D & C and my doctor finally referred me to an OB.
My best friend was growing as frustrated with the hold up as I was and started telling me to take matters into my own hands. She suggested looking into local fertility clinics to get some answers rather than just waiting around.
I took her advice and called up the closest clinic. The woman was very pleasant and told me I would need a referral from my doctor to start the process.
I took the bull by the horns, called my doctor and asked for the referral. To my surprise I was told that since I had a referral in with the OB already that I wasn’t able to get another one.
I was tired of getting the run around, being told to wait until it had been ‘one year of trying’ after all; this was my life we were talking about. I wasn’t going down without a fight.
In the end my doctor DID give me a second referral to the fertility clinic, the appointment ended up being scheduled even earlier than the one with my OB.
Finally my husband and I had something to look forward to. I realized that it wasn’t a matter of ‘not thinking about it’ but rather having something else to be excited about. As women, we’re planners; we like to have a date, a plan, something in place that gives us focus.
For me, the fertility clinic appointment was just what I needed.