I have a confession to make.
I share quite a lot of personal information with all of you through my blogs. This is something I’m happy to do. I do it in hopes that my stories will help parents who might be going through the same things I’ve been through. I hope that my stories make you laugh, inspire and educate you.
I’ve withheld one very important story from you all.
I’m not exactly sure why.
It’s very personal but not any more personal than telling you about my birthing experience.
It was an emotional experience to go through, but not any more emotional than my blog about life in the NICU. I think when it comes to sharing information it has to be something you’re truly ready to talk about. And I don’t know very many people who want to talk about getting tested for cancer.
Now I’m ready.
Way back in November 2013 I wrote a blog about the ‘dreaded blocked duct’. I spoke of how my lactation consultant said I had developed a milk bleb after numerous blocked ducts and that I would likely always have scar tissue.
What I didn’t write about was that shortly after, I had to go in for a day procedure to break down that bleb and have it tested.
I first had a mammogram.
Technology is awesome and the machines can maneuver to angles that our body’s can’t to get the perfect picture. But ouch! The only time I’ve had an abundance of breast was while I was breast feeding. When this procedure happened it had been at least three months since I last breastfed the girls. Point being, I didn’t have much to take a picture of. But big or small that machine can do it all.
After the mammogram I went into the operating room where I received a local anesthetic and then an ultrasound helped guide the doctor around the area in question. He used a hallow needle to poke at the hardened spot in my right breast. The needle not only broke down the build up but it also collected samples to send to the lab for testing.
Testing. I hadn’t really thought much of what that meant at the time.
The reality didn’t set in for me until I had to go back for the results and my mom offered to come with me for support. I will never forget the look of worry in her eyes as we sat in the room waiting for the specialist. It’s a look that only a parent can give and one that I would never fully understand if I wasn’t a parent myself.
For a moment I felt that I was her four year old little girl again, sitting in the doctors office. She was worried for me, for what the doctor would say, for what that would mean for me, for my family, for her as my mom. And I suddenly felt scared yet safe because she was there with me.
The look in her eyes said, “How is my little girl sitting here waiting for these results? Why is it her and not me? What can I do to fix it?” And all I wanted to say was, “Mom, everything will be okay.” But I didn’t have the strength to say much at all.
The results came back. Benign. A sigh of relief …this time around.
I’ve been warned that the lump could come back and if it does I will likely need another biopsy.
One day at a time. One self breast exam at a time. Enjoy every moment of every day no matter how trying it may seem. And remember to breathe.