Missing the Mark on Funny

I recently read a blog poking fun at a Facebook post made by a Sanctimommy. The first time mother of a 2-week old spent her time criticizing moms and parents who (in her words) use their kids as an excuse to be lazy.

It bothers me how much being a parent has turned into a martyr profession. Our children are not an excuse to be dirty or lazy and are not a parents [sic] scapegoat for whatever…So far I’ve managed to get enough sleep, cook decent meals for my family, keep my apartment clean… and my newborn is happy, well fed, well loved, bathed, and in clean clothes and diapers.”

Okay, I’ll admit, having her turning her nose up at me and most of the other moms I know in just one paragraph got me a little hot under the collar. But it wasn’t just her words that bothered me; the blog that basically put this first time young mother in her place also ruffled my feathers…which is surprising because it was supposed to be written in defence of the vast mommy and parenting population.

It went on to make comments like:

“Yeah. That’s definitely the hardest part of your parenting journey. That first two weeks… Mkay. Talk to us when your kid is old enough to turn his nose up at the third meal you’ve cooked him and hurricane toddler comes rolling through your house. No one’s impressed by the fact that you can clean your house while you have an immobile being literally strapped to a bouncer. Anyone can do that shit.”

Oh yah? Anyone can do that shit? Well try giving birth to your babies two months early. Having them spent the first six weeks of their lives in the hospital on monitors and being tube fed. Having to figure out a way to get to the hospital because you’ve just had a vaginal birth AND c-section at the SAME TIME and because of the pain killers and well…pain, you aren’t allowed to drive.

So please, explain to me again how the first two weeks are easy and anyone can do that shit?Because it definitely wasn’t a walk in the park for me.

Fast forward six weeks to when they did come home and their days of sleeping and waking every three hours like clockwork went out the window. To the days when their reflux hit full force and we would hold our screaming three-pound babies for hours on end trying to figure out what was wrong. To the days when I didn’t know if they were getting enough breast milk and would juggle my days between feeding, pumping and top ups. Are those the days you’re referring to when you say that anyone can do that shit?

The first two weeks, my house wasn’t clean. The first two weeks, I barely slept. The first two weeks, I worried and had self doubt and wondered what the hell am I doing and how am I going to survive this? (don’t worry new moms…you just do, somehow we make it through).

The blog was meant to be funny and relatable. Unfortunately, as a mother of twin preemies it’s not one that I found myself laughing out loud to.

The only line that I did find comical was this:

“My 5-year-old is currently screaming the Blues Clues theme in my ear, begging to use my Kindle, and asking for more grapes while I attempt to work full time out of my dining room. My two-year-old just sneezed a snot rocket on my favorite sweater, which I’m cleaning whilst writing, drinking coffee, and refraining from screaming at my Blues Clues-obsessed son. You think I’m impressed with your clean floors?”

Because yes, I can relate to this with my toddlers…although in our house it’s Paw Patrol, not Blues Clues being sung at the top of their little lungs.

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