From Both Ends

Well if the title of this blog didn’t forewarn you, let this be your warning now. This blog contains some vivid descriptions of some graphic events.

Okay, you’ve been warned…but as fellow parents, I’m sure you’ve likely been in the exact same boat.

As a parent we instantly learn how to love unconditionally. To do things that we never imagined we would, without even batting an eye.

Like picking boogies out of our kids noses. Or giving them a suppository so that they can finally poop. Just a the day in the life.

As gross as it may seem to others, it really doesn’t seem all that disgusting to us. It’s just what we do to help our kids, to make them comfortable, to love them unconditionally.

Well, I have two distinct instances that recently occurred that had me jumping in with both feet into territory that only a parent can appreciate and understand.

I had recently brought the girls to the doctors office because of diarrhea. They’d been having loose poops for about a week and I just wanted to make sure that it wasn’t anything serious.

They got through the visit no problem. They babbled away to our family doctor like they usually do (they love visiting him) and he checked for all of the usual signs. He gave them the all clear but determined that they had a bit of a stomach bug that was on it’s way out…no pun intended…although that’s exactly what happened…

Before leaving the office, I always let the girls play with the toys there for a few minutes while I gather our things, etc. It was busy in the waiting room that day, full of people who obviously weren’t feeling well, but while waiting, seemed to enjoy being entertained by my girls playing in the corner.

After about five minutes, just as I was about to get their jackets on, one of my girls farted. And not just a fart…a ‘shart’…it was a wet one and it was obvious just by the SOUND of it.

Everyone’s heads immediately turned in my direction with a look of terror on their faces. As if to say, “Oh no! she just pooped her pants…now what are you going to do?!?”

Well before I even had time to think about what the hell I was going to do, I had Zoey under one arm, Ella in the other and I was barreling down the hallway to the ladies room.

By the time we got there her pants were covered, everything was covered. Thank God that I had a couple of changes of clothes in the bag! Never leave unprepared. That’s parenting 101.

All in all, it was handled pretty well; Ella was very helpful as if she understood the urgency of getting to the washroom and Zoey just enjoyed walking around the bathroom naked while ladies came in and out to use the facilities. Everyone laughed and thought it was cute to which she just smiled ear to ear.

The second incident happened this past month.

The girls received iPads for Christmas but hadn’t used them in the car yet. We had a bit of a drive to a hockey tournament a few towns over that our nephews were playing in, so we figured we would bring them for the car ride.

The way there was fine; we were travelling in daylight with empty tummies. They played, they laughed, they entertained themselves with different games.

On the way back…well, that’s a different story…

You see, I’ve always suffered from a bit of motion sickness, my husband does not. So it was really a toss up (no pun intended lol) as to whether or not the girls would have it or not.

Well, when you fill their bellies with pasta and Alfredo sauce, toss an iPad in their hands and drive for about 30 minutes in the dark…well, I should’ve known better.

I heard a strange noise coming from the backseat. I looked at Ella, she gagged and proceeded to toss her cookies…or rather, pasta alfredo everywhere!

My husband got off the highway at the next exit and by the time we had managed to safely pullover Zoey had followed her sister’s lead.

There was puke EVERYWHERE!

Within minutes we were both in the back stripping them down, trying to clean up whatever we could and tossing anything else in the back hatch.   We buckled them back up, wrapped them with warm blankets and proceeded to drive home…gagging because of the smell the whole way.

Once home it was bath time for sure! I got them into the tub with my mother in law’s help, washing them between sobs while my husband ripped everything out of the car, washed the carseats in record time and gave the car a scrub down.

Needless to say we learned a few valuable lessons:

– The girls have inherited my motion sickness.

– iPads on full tummies in the car is a definite ‘no no.’

– And you can never have too many extra clothes on hand when you have kids, because no matter what end it’s coming out of…you’re gonna need them!

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