Fat not pregnant

People should really stop asking me if I’m pregnant.

Especially when I have a glass of wine in my hand – a ‘friend’ just this weekend at a party asked me this.

Definitely not while I’m holding a massive box of tampons – a complete stranger asked me last month at Costco.

This really happened. I have a closet full of similar scenarios, and some fantastic responses from me, but I don’t really want to get into it as it drives me to drink.

I’ve come to two conclusions: Either I’m surrounded by complete morons, or I really do look pregnant. I think both are true. Sorry kids.

It is super frustrating for me at the moment – although lately I’m realizing that being thin isn’t the be all and end all. I’m not thin anymore. Big deal. Not the end of the world right? Well, I know I’d be happier if I was, but it’s not like I haven’t been doing anything about it. My kids are healthy, that’s what counts. Blah, blah, blah…

On the most part I’m healthy. I exercise regularly and I eat well. I have decided that my major challenge to this crazy and never-happening weight loss is that I still don’t sleep.

My kids (2.5 and 5) still don’t sleep through the night. My definition of this, right now, is that their sleep is still very much interrupted. Which of course interrupts my sleep.

At least once a night one or both of them will wake up. Sometimes crying loudly and having full-blown temper tantrums. Occasionally, there is a loud scream followed by running and practically jumping into my bed. Every so often, they try to quietly come into my bed but I always wake up, because I don’t enjoy sleeping with a 5 year old on top of me or a 2.5 year old touching my face all bloody night. Boo me.

It’s really difficult to function properly when you don’t get solid and restful sleep. I’m not really complaining. Well maybe a little bit. Ok. I’m complaining a lot. Why don’t these farking kids sleep?!!!

Basically, I’ve chalked up my inability to lose weight to not sleeping. Isn’t it funny how the reason why I gained this weight is because of my pregnancies and now I can’t lose it because of my kids? Hmmm. Telling.

Whether it’s true or not, I don’t know. I’m no expert. But, I can tell you that common sense tells me, that our bodies need to sleep in order to function optimally. PLUS that is the only thing in my life that is not right. I exercise well, I eat well, I’m pretty active – ahem, ahem. So what’s the missing piece to this mysterious puzzle? Sleep.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.