Everything points to stopping at two…

The other day I spent most of my day looking through photo entries. Yes, I do look at each and every photo that is sent in. While doing this, I noticed that I was starting to feel a little broody. Maybe I should just stop using all contraception and just let nature take its course. If I get pregnant, I have another baby. No big deal right? Wrong.

I sat and really thought about it for most of the afternoon. How nice it is to be pregnant. How beautiful newborns are. How little they are, how sweet it can be to doze off with baby while you’re breastfeeding.

Then we went to my mom’s for dinner. My family has absolutely no regard for the fact that I NEED to put my kids to bed early. Early for my family, that is. My youngest, who is now 26 months, goes to bed between 7:30 and 8:30 and my oldest, who is 4 and a half, goes to bed by 8:30.

While I was growing up, my mom just let my sister and I go to bed whenever we wanted. My childhood was filled with late night TV and many nights watching my mom clean our kitchen. I do recall being tired at school often, maybe that’s why I’m always preoccupied with my kids getting enough sleep. But that’s another issue.

My kids don’t like to sleep. My kids need to sleep. Both of them are very high-energy super active babies. Actually I think my youngest is even more energetic than my first. I have always had problems with getting them to sleep. It has always been a struggle. Since the day they were born. And nobody in my family gets this. You see, my sister’s kids have always been pretty calm and basically just lie down and go to sleep when they are tired (HA!).

The problem with this lack of sleep is that it stresses me out. My kids both fight sleep at naptime, at bedtime and they both still wake up frequently EVERY night! I have not slept properly except for the odd night here and there for almost 5 years! I’m exhausted! I’ve tried just letting them be, and hopefully they just tire themselves out and just lie down and fall asleep (hey! Just like my nieces!) but that doesn’t work. In fact it does the exact opposite.

Which brings me back to dinner at my mom’s. My mom decides that we should go over to her one bedroom condo for dinner at 7 pm. I hesitate. Heck, I even try to push it back to 6 – but that doesn’t fly. And my chronically late sister only shows up at 8:30. By this time, my kids are running wild. My daughter has knocked over a glass soup tureen and there is homemade and yummy chicken soup mixed with broken glass all over the kitchen and hallway. During all of this, my son thinks it’s really fun to throw pieces of mega blocks everywhere.

So I had a very stressful time. My kids don’t sleep and the more tired they get, the more they cry, scream and throw shit around. And the following is a list of what I know to be true:

– Babies drive me nuts (Only if I haven’t slept, if they haven’t slept, and if I’m responsible for them. Yours are just fine.)
– Nobody really gets me and my life (I don’t sleep and I work too much)
– I always come out the bad guy (I’m bitchy BECAUSE I don’t sleep and I work too much)
– My kids need to go to bed early
– People judge – even family

After a tiring evening, where my nieces (7 and 14) were passed out on my mom’s couch and my two little ones were bouncing off the walls (not pleasantly), I still had this thought when I was in bed:

“Hey, why don’t I go ahead and stop using contraception and if I get pregnant, once my third energizer bunny baby is born, I’ll just stay home ALL the time and have a blissful routine”. I mean what are the odds that I will have another non-sleeper? Well. So far we’re 2-0.