End of Baby Days
I think we are done. Actually I am almost positive we are done. I only use the word almost because I know that things change. If becoming a mother has taught me anything it’s that plans change!
I can’t say the decision came easily. Actually, I don’t even think it was a conscious decision at all. I think we, together as a couple, just look around every day and feel happy with where we are. We feel grateful for the two beautiful blessings we have been given.
Don’t get me wrong. I miss the baby days. I miss rocking slowly in a dark, quiet nursery, feeling as though we were the only two people in the world. I miss the sighs, oh those beautiful baby sighs they let out when they are snuggled in tight. I miss the warmth that emanated from their body and just covered me in love. I miss their smell; their enchanting, perfect smell that drew me in close to them every chance I got.
What I wouldn’t give to hear that deep belly giggle they let out when my face appeared from behind my hands while we were playing peekaboo. To be called mama again for the very first time and to hear my name progress from mama to mummy to mum back to mummy.
I wish I could feel chubby little fingers wrapped around my hand and little baby knees crawling over me. I wish I could witness the toddling of a new walker and the magic of the very first bite of cake.
More than anything I wish I would have enjoyed each and every moment while I had it. I wish I would have spent less time worrying about how many ounces of milk they had consumed or if they had peed enough. I wish I would have watched them sleep a little more rather than wonder if I was messing up their lifetime sleep patterns. I wish I would have simply sat back and smiled at the soldier crawl my son adopted rather than worry if it was ok that he wasn’t crawling on his hands and knees.
Oh I miss every single second of the few precious years they were babies. I loved it and I am so thankful that I was lucky enough to experience it.
Yet here I am, coming to the understanding that it’s over and I am 100% ok with it. I may miss all the beautiful moments of babyhood but now I get to experience all the fun big kid stuff. We get to stay up late watching movies and enjoy family bike rides. The pride I feel when I hear them read for the first time and sit in the audience of their first play is beyond words. Family vacations are much more fun when they are able to run around the beach and snorkel with you. We have the most amazing conversations and it amazes me to know that they are funny, actually funny!
I am ready. I am ready to close the door on one stage of life and open the door to the next stage. My family feels complete and I couldn’t be happier with the life we have created together.