Calendars and Consequences
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Three year olds are tough!
They’re demanding but not in the way that a newborn is. They’re opinionated almost as if they’re already teenagers, and when they want something, reasoning with them is almost impossible.
Since our girls (although identical) are complete opposites, we were really struggling with this phase. What worked to calm down one completely lit a fire under the other.
When one got angry the only thing that would help with her frustration was to throw things and have time to herself to calm down. The other needed a secluded area and a lot of cuddles.
It took some time (and some tracking) to figure out what was setting each of them off, as well as what methods seemed to work when handling it, but we eventually started to see things a bit more clearly.
One thing that’s for sure (and has always been important for our twins) is that they like routine, or at least like to have an idea of what to expect. Realizing this helped us put some new systems in place.
One thing that we did with the girls was draw up a calendar so they knew what to expect each day. Explaining a calendar to three year olds isn’t easy, but they did grasp the concept of events on each given day. When we planned to have a backyard campfire I drew a picture of it on that day, when we would attempt pooping on the potty once again I drew a picture of it too. Once the day is done we go through it together and cross it off. I think it’s helped settle their nerves in terms of ‘what comes next.’
Another thing that was recommended to us was to write up some ‘House Rules’. So one Saturday we grabbed a big roll of paper and we all sat around the table. We decided on 5 rules that we would all abide by in the house. For example; putting our dishes in the sink when done eating. Sure enough, as soon as it was written down on paper both of the girls have started following the rules without question about 90% of the time!
When a meltdown does happen (and they still do) we needed a new strategy to handle it. My husband and I felt like we were constantly repeating ourselves, raising our voices and getting no where. Now we both follow the same pattern: tell them clearly what we want them to do (“it’s time to get into bed” rather than “why don’t you get into bed now”). We repeat it twice only, if they listen we praise the heck out of them, if they don’t, we warn them once more with a consequence (“if you don’t get into bed Mommy won’t be reading you this book tonight”). There’s been a few times that the warning has gone to the actual consequence but it’s DEFINITELY made a huge difference.
The last thing that was mentioned to us was ‘elevating.’ As in, our voices. Do you ever notice that when your kids want something they ask louder and louder until they finally get it? Well I hadn’t even thought about but it makes complete sense…where do you think they get it from? When we as parents get frustrated by our children not listening what do we do? Don’t we tend to elevate our voices as well? In their minds they think ‘well if Mommy and Daddy can get me to do what they want by yelling then it should work for me too.’ When I heard this theory it totally blew my mind! I’ve honestly made a huge effort to not raise my voice (it still happens but not nearly as much) and I’ve noticed it in the girls too. Such a simple thing right in front of me and something I hadn’t’ even considered.
If you’re going through something similar I hope that some of these little tips and tricks help you too. It’s made a big difference in our house…the tantrums still happen but we actually feel ‘somewhat’ in control once again.
