Ask Kat: To Have a Second Child or Not to Have a Second Child
As the mum of three small boys, an expert in baby products and a no-nonsense parent, resident blogger Kat Armstrong always seems to be called upon by friends, family and strangers to answer tough parenting questions. We thought it was high time she shared this knowledge with you, and her series Ask Kat was born. If you have questions for Kat, you can email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
How do you convince yourself to have a second child? I haven’t slept in a year, I never get to go out anymore and all my clothes are ill fitting and tucked away. I would like a sibling for my baby, but I’m worried about the outcome and how much more work it’ll be when we’ve got two of these little creatures!
While I can’t speak for everyone, I can speak to my experience. We always knew we wanted at least two kids. We weren’t sure how or when or if, but that was something we hoped for. After our first was born, we did not even once think about or talk about having another baby for almost his entire first year. It was a hard year, with lots of familial turmoil, post partum depression, and all the regular “oh my god I have a baby what the hell do I do with it?” that goes along with parenting. Once that first year was done, though, and we started to really get into the swing of things, we decided to jump in again. The mom-amnesia was real.
For us, at least part of it was simply the desire to have a sibling for our child at whatever cost to the work involved. We found that having two kids was actually not hard in terms of the standard parenting things because, for the most part, we changed. Our expectations relaxed, we understood more fully what parenthood of infants looked like and we were better equipped to roll with the punches.
They always say “have your second baby first” and it took me THREE kids to realize that what that means is that we need to let go of our notions of everything and really relax – kids are kids are kids and we’re just here to guide, love and support them the rest comes out in the wash.