Hi Rosemary,

I just discovered your site and love it! My little girl will be three months in four days. I thought she may be overtired as she was waking constantly at night so I made her bedtime earlier, as a friend suggested that might help but she still wakes every hour, sometimes 1/2 hour, wanting to eat. Could this be a growth spurt? I’m going crazy and don’t know what to do anymore, I can see my little one is also tired during the day but she fights sleep and does not eat so much during the day but when night comes there’s no stopping her just bottle, bottle, bottle!

Hi there,
You must be exhausted! It sounds like your little one is mixing up days and nights. Try focusing on getting her to eat more during the day. Make sure you give her longer, fuller feeds, rather than short ones. This way you will also train her to eat at particular times, rather than whenever she gets cranky.  At this point, you should be able to tell the difference between a hungry cry and a tired or cranky cry. Until babies are four months old, they really are unpredictable. So, if she seems to be hungry a lot, then feed her, but try to make that happen during the day instead of at night.
Hope this helps!
Rosemary

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I have a question about moving our 15 month old daughter to her crib.

We have been co-sleeping since she was out of her bassinet (around four months old) because the crib we had was damaged and couldn’t get a new one right away. In our bed she had been sleeping through the night for months now. I finally got the crib set up in her own room and have begun the transition of moving her there for both naps and bedtime. Currently to get her to fall asleep I am staying in the room with her while she lays in the crib. She naps fine and will go down okay but is waking up every few hours at nighttime where I usually can go in, give her her soother and she goes back to sleep but there are times where she won’t go back to sleep and wants out to be with me.

How do I go about getting her to the point where I can lay her down to sleep on her own and have her not get up so many times in the night? I should also mention we are only on day three of this transition.

Thanks you for your help,
RaeAnna D

Hi RaeAnna,
Congratulations on the transition! Not an easy thing to do. There will always be wrinkles, so hang in there! Before too long, your daughter will be very happy, on her own. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I would keep the pacifier in the picture right now because the transition in general is enough for her to handle. Your goal should be to distance yourself away from her gradually. If you need to rub her back constantly, then try doing it intermittently. Or if you are within arm distance of her crib, try inching yourself away a little bit each day. Try your best not to take her out of the crib. That is a slippery slope and makes it harder to eventually move away from her. Patting and rubbing are better than taking her out of her crib. It would be good to be practicing the same habits when you put her down at nap time and also at bedtime. Once she’s down, do your best not to pick her up again.

Hope this is helpful!

Rosemary

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My 8 month old sleeps soundly for five hours until he rolls over and wakes up startled.  I have placed pillows and even tried five pound rice bags but he still rolls over and wakes up. Its quite difficult to soothe him back to sleep at 3 am. Do you have any suggestions?

Thank you,
Raquel
 
 
Hi Raquel,

I’m sorry your little guy is giving you a tough time in the middle of the night!

I was wondering whether he goes to sleep initially on his own, without being soothed, or if he needs your help? Which ever way you soothe him when you put him down at the beginning of the night, it is the same thing he is going to expect if he wakes up during the night. In other words, if you pat him or rock him to sleep at bedtime, he is going to want you to do the same thing at following wake- ups. Having said that, if he goes down to sleep unaided initially, and he wakes up 5 hours later, I suspect he may be missing you. By this age, babies are very much aware of mom or dad’s absence. You might consider going to him, reassuring him by a short pat, and then leaving him to eventually fall back to sleep on his own. He may need some help learning this. You should definitely continue to go in and out of his room if you find that helpful, or you can also stay beside him and soothe him, but I would avoid picking him up. This may take a few nights for him to get used to, but I’m sure that in the long run, his sleeping habits will improve.

Hope this is helpful!

Rosemary

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Our son is sleeping anywhere from three to five hours at a time and has gone as much as seven however very recently it seems as if we have taken a step back and he rarely goes more than three and a half hours. Additionally, the sleep he is getting is very unsound. We swaddle him pretty tight which helps but if he gets his hands out its game over. If the pacifier pops out we also have some challenges. When he does get up we are feeding him and he is taking the formula.

Incidentally he was sleeping in a co sleeper in our bed and/or a bassinet but has since outgrown both and sleeps swaddled in the bed with either my wife or myself.

Love to get some feedback.

Thanks,
Joseph
Joseph,

When it comes to baby info, there’s a lot out there with many viewpoints. I think 10 hours of sleep at night and three hours during the day is a healthy average for a five month old. As far as the swaddling goes, he may be growing out of it. Maybe snuggling up to you or your wife is an alternative. When you are co sleeping, it is a little tougher to limit night time feeds. Since you are already close by, popping the pacifier in his mouth may help spreading out the feeds. (Every three hours is ample at this stage). And lastly, make sure your little guy is getting enough to eat during the day. This may help him go for longer stretches at night.

Rosemary

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Thanks so much!
Angie

Hi Angie,
Doesn’t he know that three’s a crowd? Here are a few things to consider: he needs to fall asleep in his own bed alone. If he already does that, then you can move onto the next step. When he comes into your room, you need to gently march him back to his own, tuck him in and tell him you’ll come back to check him. (You must actually do this!) After a lot of back and forths, he will eventually catch on. Each time remind him that he’s safe and that you love him!

Rosemary

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I have a 13 month old who doesn’t sleep the whole night in her bed. I have always had trouble with this. When she was younger, I would breastfeed her on the couch and then daddy would let her lie on him until she fell asleep (within the hour) and then we would transfer her to her crib. She would usually sleep six to eight hours and then wake up crying. We have always had a routine of bath around 7 -7:30 and then bottle (milk from a sippy cup now) and bed. We now have to rub her back to get her to fall asleep in her crib or lie with her in our bed and then transfer her but she still wakes up 6-8 hours later crying. We rub her back to get her to go back to sleep but she wakes up every 10-20 minutes until we eventually just bring her in bed with us and she sleeps until 7-8 am. We tried the cry it out method – we would let her cry and go in every three minutes, lie her down and rub her back for one to two minutes then leave again and repeat, making the time longer each time. After about a month of this she would only cry once and after we went in she usually stayed asleep, until 6-8 hours later when it was time to crawl into bed with us. We have recently moved and my husband is away from home so now we are starting all over again and it is just easier for me to take her in bed with me (since there is so much room without the hubby here). Help!

Amy

Hi Amy,

You’re right. The easiest solution is to bring your daughter into bed with you, but I also understand that at some point, you would prefer her to stay sleeping in her own bed.

If you are at that point, where you’ve had enough and you are ready to teach your baby to become a more independent sleeper, then you will have to be committed to a plan and be prepared to do some hard, but rewarding work.

Whatever method you decide to use, it has to be implemented at bedtime, during the night and also at nap time. From what you’ve described, I think a key point for you is that your daughter needs to learn how to fall asleep on her own. After you finish your bedtime routine, your goal should be to be able to pop her in her crib awake and let her fall asleep without your help. Once she learns how to fall asleep on her own, in her own bed, she will be a much better sleeper. This will help if she wakes in the middle of the night too. The Ferber method will definitely work for this. You should tackle this in a slow, gentle manner and soon you will start to see results. Just remember, consistency and patience are very important. Just stick with it!

Rosemary

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My son is turning seven months old in a week and I would like to change his sleeping/napping habits so I am hoping you could help advise me as I have to start working again in the next month.

He has been on a pretty consistent routine, unless he experiencing a growth spurt or is teething, where he goes to sleep at 8:30 pm in his crib. From there he wakes up every three to four hours, the first two sessions, and then every hour or two. I have given in to the bad habit of letting him breastfeed back to sleep every time.  He use to wake up at at almost 8 am, then 7 am and lately he has been waking up at 6 am. When he wakes up, he eats solids at 8 am, breastfeeds at 9 am, followed by a nap falling asleep on the breast. He then wakes up one and a half to two hours later, eats solid food at noon followed by a nap at 1 pm.  He wakes up for about one to one and a half hours, then feeds and naps again at 5 pm for one to one and a half hours. His next solid meal is at 7 pm before going to bed at 8:30.  I would like to change some of theses habits:

1.  His night sleep sessions to last longer than two to four hours and for me to stop giving into breastfeeding him back to sleep.  Can I sleep train him?  My family keeps telling me to let him cry it out but I don’t have the heart to do that and I can’t sleep if I hear him cry.
2.  His waking up at 6am.  I would love to get him to wake up at 8am as both my husband and I are late wakers.
3.  His napping in his crib.  I have tried so many times but when he naps in his crib, he wakes up anywhere between five and 30 minutes.

Any advice, would help,
Thanks Rosemary,
Julie N.

Hi Julie,

If I understand correctly, you are returning to work soon, so you need your little guy to be a more independent sleeper. It sounds like he is always with you when he sleeps. At some point, you will have to decide if you want to continue co-sleeping, or if you want him to sleep on his own in his own crib. If you’d like to stick to co-sleeping, then you can try soothing him, rather than feeding him each time he wakes up. If you would like to teach him to sleep in his crib, then it”s a good idea to come up with a plan and to try to stick to it as much as possible. This means that all naps are in his crib as well. This will take time and the new plan will be tough for both of you, but if you take little steps, you can do it! Either way, you need to create some distance between you and your son if your return to work is imminent.

Rosemary

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I read your answer to another woman’s problem with getting their seven month old out of the co-sleeping habit. I have a similar issue but my daughter (who is now 19 months) did not start out co-sleeping. She has been sleeping in her own crib since birth, but lately she wakes up in the middle of the night (anywhere between 2 and 6 am) wanting to come to my bed. For financial reasons we currently live in a one bedroom apartment and we have to share a room so she knows I am there sleeping in my bed across the room. I have tried ignoring her, laying her back down with her favourite blanket and sleep toy and telling her it is time for sleep, giving her a cup of warm milk before putting her back down, putting her bed time music back on as well as her starlight night light, and rocking her until she falls asleep again, but nothing has worked. She always gets back up again and screams and cries until I bring her into my bed. I don’t know what else to try to get her to sleep all night in her own bed. her pediatrician didn’t have anything to offer on the subject during our last visit. Do you have any suggestions? Something I haven’t tried? Or maybe this is just a phase she will grow out of? I would greatly appreciate your insight.

Christina B.

Hi Christina,

Sharing a room with your child can be tough. From what you are describing, it sounds like your daughter senses that you are running out of ideas of how to get her to stay in her own crib and she definitely knows that each time, you ultimately give in and bring her into bed with you. Teaching her to stay in her own crib will be a challenge, but with consistency, you can do it! Once you make up your mind that you’ve had enough and that you are ready to make a change, then you will have to stick to some rules: No coming into your bed; no props (milk, music, night light etc.); no picking up. Your plan of action is to sit in a chair, beside her crib. You can hold her hand, rub her back, etc., but no picking up. She will protest, but stick with it. This is a battle of wills and you are supposed to be the winner! Once she recognizes that you are not going to take her into your bed, then you can gradually start moving your chair further and further away from her crib.

You did not mention what bedtime is like, but I’d like to mention that it is critical that your daughter fall asleep in her own crib initially, with as few aids as possible. You can definitely use the same new plan that i have suggested for the middle of the night at bedtime too.

I hope this is helpful!

Rosemary

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I  have heard alot about Ferberizing but don’t actually know how to do it. My son is 7 months sleeps with us and we are really trying to break the habit but how much should I let him cry and do I pick him up? So many questions, I don’t want to hurt him or damage in any way.

Thank you,
Caralina

Hello!
It sounds like you are ready to move your son into his own bed, which is a process. You need to decide whether he is going to sleep in his own crib, or in a bed near you. Once you figure that out, he needs to learn how to sleep there for naps as well as during the night. There are many ways to train a baby when it comes to sleep. You need to decide which method suits you best. Ferber suggests putting your baby in his crib awake, and then going to him at timed intervals, which increase each time. For some parents, this works, but for others, it doesn’t. The most important thing is to find a method that suits you and then to try to be committed to it. Consistency is key when it comes to raising our children. Babies thrive on predictability. Remember to be patient and eventually, it will work out!
Rosemary

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My 11 week old Nathan does not yet sleep through the night. He was getting better, waking up ever 4 hours after being put to bed at 9 to 930. For a couple of weeks now his wake times have changed to waking up after 5 hours of being put into bed between 830 and 930 after which he gets up at 3 hours and than 2. I’m not sure what happened.

Please help!
Jessica
 
 
Hi Jessica,
Generally, it’s very hard to predict anything when it comes to an infant’s behaviour. Nathan’s sleep habits this week may be totally different than next week. As he gets older you will see more patterns, but for now, there will be changes all the time. Having said that, at around 4 months of age,you can set up a schedule that you can try your best to stick to it, making sure that you keep Nathan’s best interest in mind. My website offers some guidelines regarding feeding and sleeping in the “Resources” section, if you would like some direction. As far as nap time, follow a routine, just like you would do before putting him down at night. Try putting him down awake and stay nearby to help him fall asleep, but without picking him up. Gradually, he will develop the skill of falling asleep on his own. Hope this is helpful!