There are ornaments hanging on our Christmas tree that I made dating back to 1974. I was 4, for those of you who are curious…

Every year from the time that I can remember, we made homemade ornaments for the tree. Dough in the oven and paint, using wool, beads, sticks, string – you name it, we’ve made it. Every year, when we would decorate the tree, it was a walk down memory lane. I loved this.

When I moved to Holland in 1998, I bought a huge (by my husbands standards) Christmas tree and hauled it up 4 flights of very steep stairs. I tell you, that when there will, there’s a way! I will never forget the look in his eyes when he saw the monster tree (seriously, by Canadian standards totally average) in “his” living room! It was great!

Course, despite the fact that we didn’t have any kids yet, nor was there talk about ever having any kids, there was a tradition to keep up. So I sat at the table one evening with a mold that my mother had sent me, and started painting my new ornaments – he even joined me and now has a couple of things hanging our tree as well.

Now with my kids, the tradition continues! They love going through the ornaments, love hearing that a couple of them are mine when I was four, five and six, and love thinking about what we’re going to make this year.

Our tree is a mismatch of every color & style. But not only does it looks amazing every single year but it tells the wonderful story of our life!

In Holland we have someone called “The Sint” who looks an awful like Santa but totally isn’t. He arrives by boat from Spain with his “Piets,” the Sint version of elves but they are black (from the soot from the chimneys? But, that’s not important).

The important thing is that the guy comes three weeks before his birthday and hangs out around the country, sending the kids into a frenzy. Imagine that Santa filled the stockings not once but eight times. I mean, seriously. Jeez Louise (as a friend of mine once said). It’s huge, a mega country-wide production.  There is the Sint news channel at 17:40 every night on national TV. They come up with a different story each year that freaks the kids out that there will be no presents. This year the story is about his lost book (I think…) so he doesn’t know who’s been good.  A lot of Santa stuff going on. But, apparently, the Sint was here first.

The coming in on the boat is really great. The cities and villages go all out, there is energy in the air, the Piets give out small cookies and candies and often know the name of the kids (we live in a small village).

There is dancing and singing, tension and excitement. I can almost get into it. THEN…

The kids put out there (stinky) shoes at night. They fill them with fresh apples (hence the reason I used the word stinky) and carrots, leave notes about what they want and sing songs (all day long).

They wake up very early to check if the Piets have left a little gift in their shoe. No = major crying. Yes = well that’s obvious.  There is a calendar available on-line of “when” they come. Very handy. Twice a week is more than enough. Then on December fifth, his birthday (I think), he leaves a big bag of gifts at the door. A big knock, the kids freak out, and there it is – The Bag. The bag is full of gifts for the kids. Some kids get ten gifts each, some get “only” three. We favor the three…  The kids open the gifts like its Christmas, we eat some traditional sweet stuff and that’s a wrap. Well, not quite. You see he also leaves the country, the next day.  We’ve managed to skip that event so far but I suspect it might be on the radar this year. There are also some other nice things that the big kids and adults do. They write poems for each other and make “surprises” but we haven’t gotten there yet so I can’t say much about it…

THEN we have Christmas. I mean, I love Santa, so I need to do the Christmas thing but even I have to admit, it’s a little much. But Santa doesn’t exist here. He’s the Sint. So we’ve done the “well if you don’t believe then”… story and my kids believe in Santa and on the 24th of December we start all over again. Less fanfare, no TV news about him, it’s all me. And I love it! But, as I said, it’s a bit much.

So. To sum up. Four kids x eight pairs shoes x three to four in the bag gifts + four x socks AND Santa. Pffff… Yes, I have an excel sheet. And also not to overlook, two birthdays in that same period.

So you think you have present problems? Welcome to my life.

We made the decision to change earlier this year and the kids have just started at their new school.

We were reasonably happy at our little school with 100 kids but the school was getting too small, which in the end meant that 2 of our girls would be sharing a classroom for much of the next five years. That, plus the other things on our list, made us decide it was time to change.

Our school didn’t see it coming. Our principal and the teachers in the school were pretty gutted. Still – we really didn’t want two of our girls to be in a class together. They already share rooms, clothes, space, and friends; there is already enough competition – it was time for them to have their own story.

My husband and I visited the other local schools and there was only one that fit our needs: the one next door to the other school.  We spent a couple of months with the secret – trying to figure out a way to get the kids on board. Mostly there was “acceptance” though the reality was only something they’d really experience this fall. They had a couple of test runs in the mornings before the summer break and all seemed okay.

I have to say that despite not liking our decision, the school gave the kids a proper good-bye and a lot of tears were shed – change has never been easy for me so I may have shed the most.

And now we are back from an idyllic summer in Canada. We had a week to get over jetlag and re-adapt to life in Holland. Then came the first day of school.  The first day went pretty well – everyone was a bit nervous and excited. Then came Tuesday… My girls all cried, my son had a lousy day. Wednesday, a bit better…

Now two weeks and a bit in and my oldest daughter seems to be settling in pretty well – her social life is blooming and she likes her teachers. She also can’t stop doing cartwheels, but I digress… My second daughter is having a bit of trouble with all of the newness – she’s just started grade one – a big change from Kindergarten, but she got through today without a tear, so progress. My youngest daughter has been lucky – she has teachers that love to hug and has had a number of birthday parties in the classroom, each bringing with it a pile of cookies or cupcakes – so she’s pretty happy. She’s made a new best friend called Lianne, my name… she has the most beautiful curly blond hair, which she talks about all the time. I love that for her.

Then there’s my son and that’s a whole other story. He’s now in grade four – seems to have forgotten that his last couple of years at our old school weren’t really great for him and refuses to accept our decision. Today he left without eating breakfast out of protest, which is something no one has ever done. He looks for all that is not good, hasn’t shared a positive word with me in weeks. He knows a number of the kids; in fact, a couple were already good friends. Every day after school, I can feel the weight he is carrying on his shoulders. There are more resources in the school, younger teachers, workshops, some really great things. He’s just not interested. He doesn’t even want to try. I feel guilty, hate seeing him down in the dumps but despite this – I’m sure we’ve made the right decision for our family.

I just wish wish wish, with all my heart, that he would see it that way…

It’s hard being a parent.

He still didn’t really get it. “So what websites did you go to?” “Hmmm… the web didn’t exist yet,“ I said. (Well technically it did but not for civilian use…) OH. So, he was quiet for a second, trying to process, what for him is a regular part of life – and finally he said, “Wow – what a boring life you must have had…”

Ah. Thanks…

Course I said what any responsible parent would say, “We played so many fun games outside, cards, Lego, etc. It wasn’t boring at all.”

Then I got the look. Yeah right.

I’ve been getting that look more and more often lately. He’s moving into the “come on mom, don’t do that, don’t say that” zone. He’s just touching the edge of his mom, me thus, not being cool anymore – just. But now that he knows the truth about my lack of “real entertainment” when I was a kid – I think I’ve now fully graduated into the “un-cool” mother zone.

Luckily I still have three daughters who think I’m amazing!

P.S. Just so you know… He gets 30 min of screen time a day, we don’t have a Wii, and other than on weekends and the odd exception we don’t watch much TV. Guess he gets his “life is fun, not boring” quota from those 30 min. No wonder it’s the first thing he wants to do when he gets home from school!

But this weekend we did find a great friend (mother of 5 who’s youngest is 17) to come a hang out with our gang. The kids love her so we left with only a few tears.

24 hours doesn’t sound like much but it’s enough. It’s enough to enjoy a day without routine and schedules.  To find a bit of space together, instead of a mom and dad, a couple with a secret.  To read our own book rather than one for the kids.  To talk without interruption (except to order another glass of wine!).

Being in a small country has advantages when it comes to 24 hours. The ocean is a 40-minute drive away, so that’s where we go. Beach, dunes, the smell of the sea… All you really need right?

I get away a couple of times a year on my own without my husband and kids which I also love.  I always find it hard to leave though I know deep down that I am a better person if I get my own space. Travelling makes me feel like my old self somehow. I only realize how much my life revolves around a lot of people when I step out of it.

Do you get away with your partner?

When can a child stay home alone? Age, maturity, types of neighbors, how far and how long you are going for, all play a factor for me. As with most parenting issues, I think gut feeling trumps.

First – to review – my kids are 8.5, 7, 5.5 and 4.  We live in a town with about 10 000 people and in a very condensed area which means nothing is more than a 10 minute bike ride away with most things only 5 min. Also, we don’t have laws in Holland about leaving kids under certain ages at home alone.

For a long time I was towing 4 kids around everywhere I went. I mean everywhere. To the swimming pool, grocery store, doctor appointments, you name it – they all came. In my bike.  This explains not only why I’m still exhausted but also why my legs are in really good shape!

I’m trying to remember the first time I left my oldest son alone at home. I think he was 7.  It kind of grew – first by playing outside with a “contact” mother that he could go if there was a problem then slowly it built up to really being alone at home, sometimes with a friend but that very much depended (and still depends) on who.  I call in very often to check that everything is ok and he calls me if he has a question (usually about how long he can use the i-pad!).

My now 7 year old can also stay home alone for a short time though she doesn’t really like being alone. She’d rather come with us (with the exception of grocery time).  The 2 of them also stay home alone together and have a nice time.

I will also admit to leaving my 5 year old with my 7 & 8 year old. Only for quick pick ups (15 min) and occasionally if I’m at the grocery store which is about a 2 min run away from my house.  She knows how to use the phone. She’s with the other 2 but she cannot stay home alone without them.

My youngest begs to stay home. She wants to be “big”.  She may not.

But – I never leave the kids alone if I am driving out of our town and I ask them not to eat. It’s my “thing”. What if they choke?  They are also not allowed to open the door for anyone (and once didn’t open the door for a good friend of mine who I had sent over to get my spare bike key – so that worked!). They know the emergency numbers and there are always neighbors only 2 steps away.

After having read all of the comments on the YMC guest post, I feel like I’m up for a lot of criticism.  But I don’t think I care. If I lived somewhere else, I would likely have different ideas and rules about the kids staying home alone and when and for how long. But I live here. In this village in Holland. Right now.

I’m also a mother that lets her kids cross the main street to get to school and for other after school activities. My 8 and 7 year old have this freedom. With my 7 year old, we repeat the rules for crossing the street before she leaves. She sometimes stands there for 5 minutes, as she’s not allowed to cross if she sees a car.  It’s a zebra path and many cars don’t stop. My 5 year old is practicing – deciding if we can cross when we are biking together. I, obviously, make the final decision.

I hold my breath every single time one of my oldest leaves to go somewhere. I am always very relieved when they are back home.  For me, it’s part of the deal. Letting go.  It’s a never-ending process we have as parents.  The only way for kids to really learn is to be able to do it themselves.

Would I put my 9 year old on a NYC subway like @freerangekids mom did?  I think so. If my child felt he/she was ready and had proved to me in different ways that he could handle the responsibility – yes. I would do it.  We are already talking about him taking the bus to Amsterdam (20 min) to meet his Dad after work. He says he’s not ready – that’s cool. When he says he is we will do it.

So this is my story. What’s yours?

We have a number of vacations approaching (Easter, 2 different weeks in May, long weekends in May and June then Summer) – Seriously, they are off more often than they are at school during the next couple of months which means that I’m going to be adding a couple of new stories to our collection. I thought I’d share a list of our favorites.

Magic Tree House Series:  I actually love these books. They are filled with historical facts and I must admit that even I have learned a thing or 2 while reading to my kids. The stories are full of adventures lead by a brother and sister (I believe they are 7 & 8 years old). Educational, interesting and written exactly right. The minute one of my kids asks what something means, it’s explained in the next sentence. Always.  Her listening CD’s are just as great (though I personally like the pictures in the books!). Mary Pope Osborne (the author) has a great, soothing voice and reads her own books.  http://www.magictreehouse.com/

I recommend for ages 4-9. Meaning – all of my kids like them.   I also tend to buy a 4 pack which is cheaper and covers 4 different books.

Genonimo Stilton: The kids love these stories (and books), particularly my 2 oldest (7 & 8).  The reader has a great voice and the stories are so “cheesy”. If you don’t know these books, then you will not understand why I called the stories “cheesy” – they are actually great. The books are filled with adventures and it’s written using any variation of cheese products to describe many of the words.  Hmmm… this is hard to describe – so trust me! The website shows it all! http://www.geronimostilton.com/ There are even books geared more towards girls called Thea Stilton.  The books are originally Italian, which surprised me as the translations are fantastic and I can’t imagine them in any other language. We found this out when my son was doing a book report.

Bill Harley: All time favorites. His music is great, his stories are funny and spot on for kids.  “There’s a Pea on my Plate’ CD was given to us by a friend and we’ve never looked back.  I download or buy the CD’s from his website. http://www.billharley.com/. His songs are easy and have enough beat that we also enjoy them and don’t mind putting them on louder so they can hear at the back of the mini-van (no sound system back there…).  The kids always laugh while listening, lots of good messages in his songs – we especially like the “Put your helmet on” song as the Dutch don’t (wear helmets).  Makes the kids feel good about our choices.  He is also a great storyteller.  The names of his CD’s say it all: “Dinausors Never Say Please”, “Wheezie and the Moon Pie” etc.  Highly recommended!

His music is definitely for all ages. His stories for 5+ though some are more interesting for older kids as they refer to high school.

Just so Stories

The CD we have is spoken with a British voice which I sometimes have trouble understanding but the kids love it.  I mean who wouldn’t want to know How A Camel Got His Hump or How the Leopard Got His Spots? These stories were written a long time ago, I believe 1902 and they are still great!  http://boop.org/jan/justso/. You can also read the stories on this site. I ordered my CD’s on amazon I believe.

Age 4+

You may know all of these already but if you don’t, you should! I would also love to hear your recommendations –stories your kids love, music you both love.

So, what does one do here with 4 kids at home for a week in the winter? About 50% of the Dutch head out to the Alps for some skiing. We didn’t – I pick the Laurentians over the Alps any day!

Here’s what our week looked like.  And remember, my kids are 4,5,7 & 8, meaning that all of a sudden there are 4 different opinions and ideas to deal with every day (unlike a couple of years ago when I ruled and we still had naps!!!).

Monday: I have a good friend who runs a company called ManicBotanic. She makes amazing hand-made organic soaps, creams – all things skin. She organized a “soap necklace – making” day.  Upon arrival, she had set out all of her non-perfect, though looking very good to me, extra soaps with beads and other great things to add to the chain. The kids went crazy and we now have an amazing smelling house!

Tuesday: We took the bus to Amsterdam and headed to the museum of Science and Technology, called Nemo. The kids learned about Space, Energie Drinks (a lot of sugar) and microscopes on this trip. (This outing is also covered with our Museum pass which we pay a small fee per year for = low cost.) Then all of a sudden I reached my limit of bad lighting and no windows. It’s time to go.  Just as we are leaving, my husband calls and we decide to have an early pizza diner at this great restaurant nearby. Arrive home exhausted but no diner to make!

Wednesday: Decide to have a quiet day at home.  Have you even had 4 little kids inside during the winter all day? It’s not quiet. I’m not sure what I was thinking – well actually I was thinking, nice easy day. We did some baking (had to chuck it… I’m not a very good baker.), did some tidying up while the kids spent too much time on the i-pad, i-phones etc.  At 15:45 I remember that swimming lessons have not been cancelled and start rushing around the house, combing hair, finding bathing suits in order to make the 16.00 start! So much for the quiet easy day…

Thursday: I’ve had enough. Luckily my husband recognized this on Wednesday night and took the kids out for the morning. They went to a museum, which had an exhibition on China. They made Chinese cookies during their tour.  I worked on my English for Lunch course (sideline: I’m teaching English to Dutch kids 2x a week at lunch time).  Afternoon was spent hanging around – I had plans in Amsterdam that night so left at 6pm.  Good balance. A bit of work, kid time, me time.

Friday: Everyone wants to go to the zoo. The zoo is a 20-minute drive from our house, in the center of Amsterdam. We have yearly passes so always a good thing to use. There is a planetarium there so we watched a movie first. Then we headed to the botanical gardens near by, came back to the zoo, made planets out of Styrofoam balls and watch more movies. We are home at 5pm.  I pour myself a glass of wine. We made it through the week!

Why would I fill our days like that? Well the thing is – a day at home in the winter isn’t what its made out to be. It’s ok for a couple of hours but after that, the kids start getting on each others nerve, I start getting irritated by the noise and the mess – it just doesn’t work. Going out let’s me focus on the kids, they learn and have fun, and we get outside.

What I didn’t mention is that I slept in until 9:30 every morning while the kids played downstairs. That I didn’t go out of my way on meals nor did I have to pack lunches every night. Extra-curricular activities (except swimming) were all cancelled during the break so no rushing around either…

I’m happy it’s Monday again and everyone is back at school but all in all, it was a great week! But I am happy it’s Monday again… (oh, did I say that twice?)