KidDictionary – Parents say the darndest things
Parents have THE hardest job, as they must wrangle, care for and teach the most difficult people in all of society–Their children. Diffusing bombs amidst enemy fire in a war zone? Easy! Welding I-beams on skyscrapers 100 stories high in the dead of winter? Piece of cake! Potty-training a two-year old? Damn near impossible!
To lighten their cumbersome load, let’s give them a good laugh and the ability to put into words the unique, unusual and sometimes confounding experiences related to raising kids. Parenting is hard. Describing it doesn’t have to be. Enter – The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids.
Words like these:
FATUATION (FATT-choo-ay-shun) n.: The unwritten rule that you should never ever ever ever under any circumstances ask a woman if she’s pregnant.
BOREGASM (BOHR-gazum) n.: Lame unromantic sex endured by a couple when consciously trying to get pregnant.
KIDDLES (KIDD-uhlz) n.: Crumbs and debris found on your car’s upholstery when you remove a car seat
RESEMBULLATE (ree-ZEMM-bull-ayt) v.: The needless act of assessing which parent a newborn baby looks like.
LULLACRY (LULL-uh-cry) n.: The dramatic pause between a child getting hurt and beginning to wail.
MISSISTANCE (miss-IST-untz) v.: A toddler’s delusion that he’s “helping” you by having his hands on rake handle while you do the leaves.
SPOONAMI (spoo-NAHM-ee) n.: State of the silverware drawer after you let your 3 year old empty the dishwasher cutlery basket.
TRANSPORTOT (TRANZ-pohr-that) v.: To attempt to move a sleeping toddler from their carseat to their bed without waking them.
BUNNYCOMB(BUNN-ee-kohm) v.: To frantically search the house for a child’s favorite stuffed animal in order to avoid a meltdown.
SQUIRCH (SKWERCH) v.: To simultaneously lift a kid and operate a drinking fountain. Usually resulting in more water getting on them than in them.
TOYPHOON(toy-FOON) n.: Standard recreational activities of children that leave their playroom looking as if it had been decimated by a hurricane.
ASSPLOSION (ass-PLO-shun) n.: When a baby poops so hard and messily that the diaper can’t contain it and it shoots all the way up their back.
DOMESTIC VIOLATION (do-MESS-tik vy-o-LAY-shun) v.: Dangerous mistake of referring to a Stay-At-Home Mom as someone who “Doesn’t Work.”
A.M.FREEZE v: When u hear kid stirring in the morning & u stay quiet and still hoping they go back to sleep
DEFRAMATION (DEFF-ruh-may-shun) n.: The sharp decline in photos taken of your second child relative to the amount taken of your first.
MOISTRATION (moy-STRY-shun) n.: Nauseous feeling that washes over you when you eat piece of food from your kid’s plate and discover that it’s already been chewed.
There are hundreds more. To see funny videos giving further looks inside “The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need To Describe Kids,” and learn more, please visit www.TheKidDictionary.com.