The Rules of Toddlerhood

The other day I was marvelling at how my surprise little babies Thatcher and Tanner were growing.  They have finally started to smile and babble and act like real little people.  I took a sip of my coffee and suddenly froze.  Crap!  I have been through this 6 times already and know the drill.

After the babbling, will come crawling, will come pulling up, then walking and climbing and attempted talking and then finally the inevitable – they will soon be toddlers and with toddlers comes the realization that I won’t be able to understand a thing about them.  Lord only knows the trouble I am going to be in when I have to try and explain certain things to not only one, but two toddlers in the following areas:

1.     That yes there are basic differences between food and clothing.  Food you eat and clothes you wear.  Food goes in and clothing goes on.

2.     Clothes that go on stay on.  They may come off when it is time to change.  This doesn’t mean as soon as guests arrive.

3.     Bedtime is for sleeping.  When the lights go out it doesn’t mean that it is time to put on a midnight show.

4.     Do not bite anything that will bite back. This includes dogs, your sister when she is texting, your twin, and your dad when he is on his laptop.

5.     The fridge is for food (yes the food that goes in) not for climbing into.

6.     Toilets are not for washing hot wheels or drowning Barbie dolls.

7.     Toilet paper is not for making tails on your butt and stays in the washroom.

8.     Do not hide your socks in the oven – Mommy doesn’t need any more help in making the food she cooks taste bad.

9.     Don’t use Mommy’s shirt to wipe your dirty hands and mouth on unless it is patterned.

10.  Your pacifier is not a permanent part of your mouth.  Removing it is not considered major surgery.

I glanced over at Thatcher and Tanner as they continued to babble away at each other. Yep – trying to communicate and teach my twins the rules of toddlerhood isn’t going to be easy.  I think I will have better luck with the neighbour’s puppy on a new fluffy white carpet.