I have created, with time and experience (plus a few headaches), a foolproof method for making chore time enjoyable for both the kids and for me!  And you can too!  With a little time and persistence, you’ll have your kids whistling while they work.

Make it a Game: Figuring out creative ways to turn chore time into game time works wonders. Kids enjoy games, puzzles and creative thinking; if they view chores as a “get to” rather than a “have to” they will engage more willingly and cheerfully. Kids also love a good challenge. Here are a few ideas to make chore time a bit more interesting – you’re going to have to get creative.

• Give your kids a time limit that makes them work quickly trying hard to finish everything before the buzzer rings.
• Have your children compete by seeing who can pick up the most toys or sort their laundry the fastest.
• The dishwasher could be a brilliant game of Tetris in which your children try to fit every dirty dish into the washer just right.

Don’t Play Dumb: If gaming does not work, and if your child is just refusing to do their chores or fighting you on the subject, sit them down and use a little reasoning. Ask them why they don’t want to contribute. Ask them who they think will do the chores if they don’t help? Be inquisitive. Figure out what’s in the way and ask them for suggestions for moving forward. Kids are more likely to help when they feel like helping was their idea. Allowing them to give some input might encourage a compromise leading to positive behavior and ultimately, help with household duties. It might take a little coaxing, but they’ll tell you what’s going on, how they feel and why they are being so negative if you give them a chance.  Once they are ready to start, offer a smile, some extra encouragement and a bit of silly cheer-leading; once they are smiling, you’ll see the fruits of your labor.

Rewards are Fun: Everybody loves being rewarded –especially kids. Make the reward something positive for your child. For younger kids the reward might have to be given immediately while older kids can be rewarded weekly. And the reward doesn’t have to be money. Think about what your child loves most – candy, special dinners, clothes, toys, activities, smoothie money, etc. Ask your child what they believe the job is worth; it might take a little bartering, but once you reach a reasonable agreement, make sure they live up to their end of the bargain – and you live up to yours as well.  Be specific in laying out the guidelines and conditions, so nobody feels like they got the short end of the stick. Often times, your child will be excited to complete their chores when they know they will be rewarded for their efforts. Make sure your kids know you sincerely appreciate their hard work and determination.

It’s Not Negative: A lot of parents use chores as punishment and then scratch their heads in wonder as to why their children hate helping with them. When chores are connected to negativity, kids will also relate them to negative thoughts and behavior.  Show your kids the benefits of the chores.  Doing laundry can be a fun activity and a great example of instant results- dirty, smelly clothes go in and warm, fresh clothes come out. There’s more to mopping the floor than sore arms; it ensures health and safety – especially if there are crawlers in the family. When kids learn to connect chores to something positive, they will likely not be as cranky when they need to do them.

Get Involved: Take advantage of the opportunity to spend a little extra time with your child by doing the dishes or setting the table together. Whatever it is your child is supposed to be doing as a chore, it’s probably more fun to do it with you than alone. You can talk about the day, school, upcoming events, thoughts, jokes, etc. Before you know it, you will have enjoyed bonding with your child and the table will be set for dinner! Spending quality time is a homerun every time. Yes, you have to give up some personal space and time, but the rewards and benefits for your child will exceed your expectations.

Give Them Options: Don’t be a dictator; give your child options and room for expression. Don’t make them do the same chore everyday – switch it up from time to time. Chore charts work well as do wheel-of-duty spinners. These allow children to shuffle through various chores so they don’t always have to dust the picture frames or clean the toilet. Structure is good, but options are excellent. Allowing your child to choose will also give them a greater sense of pride and responsibility in their work.  Walk around the house and search for areas that require chore duties, and have your child list them on the iPad or smart phone, then divide and conquer.

Start Young: Build chores and helpful activities into the lives of your kids beginning at a young age. If you’re folding towels, give your little one a small towel to fold. If you’re picking up toys, ask your child to help grab a couple of toys to put away. Pretty soon, helping with chores and duties will become natural for your child.

Be Flexible: Having your children involved in chores means it may not always be done to perfection. Letting your child fold clothes means not only teaching them how to fold properly, but knowing that you might need to re-fold a few along the way or simply living with the fact that it’s not perfect.

Robert Nickell, aka Daddy Nickell, father of 6, is the founder of Daddyscrubs.com, and the Daddyscrubs parenting blog.

Having a family can seem like a financial free-for-all, even the little things like what to pay a babysitter and how much is a tooth really worth can become a challenge. So what is the going rate these days for certain family extras?  Stay-at-home dad and blogger Glen Craig says he shoots for the $20 rule for things like birthday party gifts. “I think birthday gifts tend to be around $20 by me. If you want to get technical, you give about what it costs for the child to be at the party (for example, if it costs about $17/kid at a roller skating rink you give a gift for about that amount). That’s not always easy to figure out so the $20 rule tends to work well. Of course how you know the child plays into the equation too (I’ll give more to my niece than to a friend of my son’s from his activity class,”) he explains.

The infamous Tooth Fairy seems like a competition of sorts for me. If my kids come home and say “so and so got $5 for their tooth,” I think, “Wow, that’s a generous Tooth Fairy.” Parenting and family finance writer Sarah Lorge Butler surveyed other parents on the subject and found the amount varies. Based on her findings, she lists some tips on how to avoid Tooth Fairy fee blunders including: “It’s OK to offer a bonus if there’s a lot of blood, an injury, or a trip to the dentist required. Or if your older child knocks the younger sibling’s tooth out with the Wii remote,” says Butler. The parents I spoke with said the Tooth Fairy bounty ranges from $1-$5 depending on whether it’s a first tooth or not and depending on what they have in their wallet.

As far as entertainment, the dollars can fly when it comes to movies and vacations. It seems like you can’t leave a movie theater these days without spending at the least $50-unless you resort to the “bring your own snacks” tact- which in my case never flies well. There are cheaper movie theaters and movies that aren’t tagged with the infamous “In 3D” dollarpalooza, but tickets for kids under 12 still will run you close to $10 a piece. Family vacations can be done on the cheap (relatively speaking.) I’m opting to head to our nation’s capital for vacation and will enjoy the free admissions. Budgeting for family expenses is something Glen Craig strongly suggests. “Set up a sub-account in your savings account (this is easy in an online bank like ING Direct) and put away a little bit every month,” he suggests.

On the rare chance that you might actually get out for a night of adult peace and quiet, you must also consider the cost of the babysitter. This can be a tricky mathematical equation for any parent and Lorge Butler says you must consider the age of the kids who are being watched, the age of the babysitter and even the time of year. She notes that in the summer the rates seem to go up ranging from $8-$12/hour.  College-aged sitters will usually expect more since they can get other jobs based on their age and experience. It’s usually a good rule of thumb to tap into the younger babysitter and groom him/her with a reasonable expectation of pay through their formative years.

Any way you slice it, the going rate of most things will be dependent on where you live, what activities you choose and what the Jones’ are doing. Alas, you can hold onto the knowledge that after the babysitters, birthday parties and Tooth Fairy fees are paid in full you can look forward to college tuitions and weddings—oh wait, that’s not encouraging.

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I read your answer to another woman’s problem with getting their seven month old out of the co-sleeping habit. I have a similar issue but my daughter (who is now 19 months) did not start out co-sleeping. She has been sleeping in her own crib since birth, but lately she wakes up in the middle of the night (anywhere between 2 and 6 am) wanting to come to my bed. For financial reasons we currently live in a one bedroom apartment and we have to share a room so she knows I am there sleeping in my bed across the room. I have tried ignoring her, laying her back down with her favourite blanket and sleep toy and telling her it is time for sleep, giving her a cup of warm milk before putting her back down, putting her bed time music back on as well as her starlight night light, and rocking her until she falls asleep again, but nothing has worked. She always gets back up again and screams and cries until I bring her into my bed. I don’t know what else to try to get her to sleep all night in her own bed. her pediatrician didn’t have anything to offer on the subject during our last visit. Do you have any suggestions? Something I haven’t tried? Or maybe this is just a phase she will grow out of? I would greatly appreciate your insight.

Christina B.

Hi Christina,

Sharing a room with your child can be tough. From what you are describing, it sounds like your daughter senses that you are running out of ideas of how to get her to stay in her own crib and she definitely knows that each time, you ultimately give in and bring her into bed with you. Teaching her to stay in her own crib will be a challenge, but with consistency, you can do it! Once you make up your mind that you’ve had enough and that you are ready to make a change, then you will have to stick to some rules: No coming into your bed; no props (milk, music, night light etc.); no picking up. Your plan of action is to sit in a chair, beside her crib. You can hold her hand, rub her back, etc., but no picking up. She will protest, but stick with it. This is a battle of wills and you are supposed to be the winner! Once she recognizes that you are not going to take her into your bed, then you can gradually start moving your chair further and further away from her crib.

You did not mention what bedtime is like, but I’d like to mention that it is critical that your daughter fall asleep in her own crib initially, with as few aids as possible. You can definitely use the same new plan that i have suggested for the middle of the night at bedtime too.

I hope this is helpful!

Rosemary

Have a question for Rosemary? Email her.

When can a child stay home alone? Age, maturity, types of neighbors, how far and how long you are going for, all play a factor for me. As with most parenting issues, I think gut feeling trumps.

First – to review – my kids are 8.5, 7, 5.5 and 4.  We live in a town with about 10 000 people and in a very condensed area which means nothing is more than a 10 minute bike ride away with most things only 5 min. Also, we don’t have laws in Holland about leaving kids under certain ages at home alone.

For a long time I was towing 4 kids around everywhere I went. I mean everywhere. To the swimming pool, grocery store, doctor appointments, you name it – they all came. In my bike.  This explains not only why I’m still exhausted but also why my legs are in really good shape!

I’m trying to remember the first time I left my oldest son alone at home. I think he was 7.  It kind of grew – first by playing outside with a “contact” mother that he could go if there was a problem then slowly it built up to really being alone at home, sometimes with a friend but that very much depended (and still depends) on who.  I call in very often to check that everything is ok and he calls me if he has a question (usually about how long he can use the i-pad!).

My now 7 year old can also stay home alone for a short time though she doesn’t really like being alone. She’d rather come with us (with the exception of grocery time).  The 2 of them also stay home alone together and have a nice time.

I will also admit to leaving my 5 year old with my 7 & 8 year old. Only for quick pick ups (15 min) and occasionally if I’m at the grocery store which is about a 2 min run away from my house.  She knows how to use the phone. She’s with the other 2 but she cannot stay home alone without them.

My youngest begs to stay home. She wants to be “big”.  She may not.

But – I never leave the kids alone if I am driving out of our town and I ask them not to eat. It’s my “thing”. What if they choke?  They are also not allowed to open the door for anyone (and once didn’t open the door for a good friend of mine who I had sent over to get my spare bike key – so that worked!). They know the emergency numbers and there are always neighbors only 2 steps away.

After having read all of the comments on the YMC guest post, I feel like I’m up for a lot of criticism.  But I don’t think I care. If I lived somewhere else, I would likely have different ideas and rules about the kids staying home alone and when and for how long. But I live here. In this village in Holland. Right now.

I’m also a mother that lets her kids cross the main street to get to school and for other after school activities. My 8 and 7 year old have this freedom. With my 7 year old, we repeat the rules for crossing the street before she leaves. She sometimes stands there for 5 minutes, as she’s not allowed to cross if she sees a car.  It’s a zebra path and many cars don’t stop. My 5 year old is practicing – deciding if we can cross when we are biking together. I, obviously, make the final decision.

I hold my breath every single time one of my oldest leaves to go somewhere. I am always very relieved when they are back home.  For me, it’s part of the deal. Letting go.  It’s a never-ending process we have as parents.  The only way for kids to really learn is to be able to do it themselves.

Would I put my 9 year old on a NYC subway like @freerangekids mom did?  I think so. If my child felt he/she was ready and had proved to me in different ways that he could handle the responsibility – yes. I would do it.  We are already talking about him taking the bus to Amsterdam (20 min) to meet his Dad after work. He says he’s not ready – that’s cool. When he says he is we will do it.

So this is my story. What’s yours?

www.MyTeethease.com

Read on about Jenna Fischer‘s gratitude, Melissa Rivers‘ ‘secret’ thanks, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck‘s heartfelt message…

The Office star Jenna Fischer, mom to son Weston, 6 months, shares her gratitude to her mother Anne, a history teacher.

“Thanks mom for being a trailblazer,” Jenna says. “For showing me through your own example that I could dream big and go against the grain. And thank you for all of the diapers you changed, lunches you packed, loving notes you wrote, carpools you drove, dishes you washed, laundry you did, holidays you planned. Thank you for all of the little things you did to make us feel safe. The things we never saw you doing because we were busy being carefree children.”

Founder of ElisabethHasselbeck.com and co-host of The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, mom to daughter Grace, 6, and sons Taylor, 4, and Isaiah, 2, has nothing but love for her mother, teacher and lawyer Elizabeth.

“Thanks mom for your unconditional love, and remarkable wisdom,” Elisabeth says.

Punky Brewster alum Soleil Moon Frye, mom to daughters Poet, 6, and Jagger, 4, has warm words for her mother Sondra, a talent agent.

“Thanks mom for inspiring me to always believe in myself,” Soleil says.

Reality TV star Melissa Rivers, mom to son Cooper, 11, has some funny, yet heartfelt, thanks for her mother, comedienne Joan Rivers.

“Thanks mom for everything!” Melissa says. “And I do actually take your advice most of the time even though you think I don’t. Please don’t let her read this!”

Founder of Baby Buggy and wife of funnyman Jerry Seinfeld, Jessica Seinfeld, mom to daughter Sascha, 11, and sons Julian, 9, and Shepherd, 6, has lovely words for her mother.

“Thanks Mom for teaching me that joy comes from loving your work, being self-reliant, and helping others before you help yourself,” Jessica says.

Then it’s the rush from work, get everyone ready, back in the car, try to have a decent meal (if that’s possible) and pack up all the healthy snacks and stuff. I just realized going through the list that it takes so much time and effort to do this twice a week, but totally worth it! The only downfall really is that I’m not sure if I can deal with little miss cranky pants the next morning because she ends up going to bed after her regular bedtime.

We take M everywhere with us! She’s really, really good in public but then there’s baseball M, the crazy little girl that won’t sit still and who is always on the move. How do I harness all that while at the ball diamond?

How does everyone else do it? Is it just the “trying threes” or are all little ones as “on-the-go” as she is? This will be an interesting season…

I have a great job because I earned it. I have a wonderful husband because we chose each other. My marriage is good because we work at it.

What I can say, is that I am lucky to have a fantastic mother. Some may argue that before I decided to be born to this earth I chose that too. Either way, I appreciate her very much.

My mom, the birthday girl!

 
My sister and I like to joke that she’s a martyr. But it’s true. I can always count on her. Since I’ve had kids, she has been my rock. She loves babies and children and she is always willing to help in any way she can. Whether it’s as a last minute babysitter, advice on breastfeeding or an extra set of hands to help with laundry, she is always willing and ready to help.

My mother leads by example. She is a great daughter, sister, mother, grandmother, aunt and friend. She is always thinking about how people will be affected by her actions and always sacrificing herself for the happiness of others – mostly her grandkids, my sister and I.

She hasn’t had an easy life. She became a widow at the young age of 37 – the age that I’m at now. She worked at a job that she hated for over 30 years so she could keep our house. She doesn’t always think of herself as a strong person, but she is the strongest person I know. I’m not sure that I could have done what she did. She lost her husband and her mother in the span of one year.

She never remarried — out of choice. I remember her being asked out on dates but she always said no. She was firm in the belief that she didn’t want to bring another man into our home. She wanted to raise her girls on her terms, and she didn’t need a man telling her how to do it. She did a great job raising my sister and I.

My mother is admirable and wise. She has strong family values and she is kind and loves whole-heartedly. She is patient and she is giving. I hope that I can be the mother and grandmother that she is.

I am lucky to have my mother.

Mommy and Me circa 1977.

Family

Some families have their family members living close by, and choose to use them for child care. This is a wonderful option for those who have access to it, as the person/people caring for your child already have a special bond with them before they start providing regular child care. Make sure the person you choose cares for your child in a way that works for you; it can be very difficult to address “issues” that arise when family members are involved with the care of your child.

Nanny/Au Pair

If you want your child cared for in the comforts of your own home, a nanny or au pair might be worth looking into. Families that have younger children or several children that need care find that a nanny or au pair suits their needs. Other families need a nanny because they work shift work or very long hours, which other forms of child care may not be able to accommodate. Having a nanny or au pair allows your child to spend the day in their home environment with less routine and more flexibility. Gaining popularity is sharing a nanny between two families. This allows the children to socialize and interact with one another in a home environment, and can result in a lower cost for the families as the cost of the nanny is split.

Home Day Care/Family Care

If you are keen on the idea of a home environment, but want your child to have social interaction with children of varying ages, finding a local home day care provider may be a great option for your family. A care provider, usually a mom, offers children in her home; she is usually trained or experienced in child care, and will have a small group of children that she cares for regularly. Many families have options for home day care right in their neighbourhood, close to home. When selecting your home day care, be aware of fire and safety inspections, and review the areas your child will be in for safety precautions. When speaking to them, ask if they are working with an agency, or they run their day home independently. There are regulations on how many children they can care for, so check what the regulation is in your area.

Licensed Child Care Centre

This type of child care is usually found in a church, commercial building, or a workplace. A daily routine is followed which includes regular planned activities and outings. In the summer months, special outings are usually offered, such as trips to water parks, the zoo, or a beach. The popular centres usually have a waiting list, so if you want this option, call right away to reserve your space. Not all day care centres offer infant/toddler care, so you’ll need to check on this, and what programs they do have in place for these age ranges. Families will often choose this type of care because they want a structured day for their child, socialization with children of similar ages, and activities geared for their age range.

There are many options available for child care for your infant. Explore all options available in your community – child care centres (licensed or day home), city parks and recreation departments, community-based organizations, school districts, and summer camps – so look at each one and find one that suits your care needs and makes you feel comfortable, tailoring to your child’s interests and needs whenever possible.

Founder of CanadianNanny.ca, Martha Scully and her team have helped thousands of parents find childcare across Canada, and now offers adult care, housekeeping, and pet care services, giving families one place to find all their care needs. Services are available at www.canadiannanny.ca. She’s also a taxi driver, teacher, cook, and housekeeper to two daughters.

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