After dating for five years my husband and I decided we wanted to have kids. My sister just had a baby girl and we loved her so much. We got married and pregnant right way. Georgia was born in 2004 and she was a great baby. It was a shock to the system waking up every two to four hours to feed her. I didn’t get much sleep but I loved being a mom.
I loved it so much, that shortly after I returned to work I became pregnant again right away. I had a bad first pregnancy but the doctor said that my second would not be that way. I ended up on bed rest three months into my pregnancy. I was on bed rest with my first at seven months. I had an emergency c-section with my second daughter one and a half months early. She was in the hospital for the first two months. We got her home and we had a great first year together.
When my due date to go back to work was quickly approaching, I decided to look for a job that was closer to home. I was so happy when I landed a great job only a five-minute drive from my house. Now we had to figure out what to do with the kids. I couldn’t find affordable daycare close to home at such short notice, my mother was already watching my sister’s three kids, and my mother in law is ill and not fit for the challenge. My husband works nights, so we decided to take turns with the children.
My husband would care for the kids during the day while I was at work, and I was in charge at night while he was at work. We never saw each other. I felt like a chicken with its head cut off. I was trying to do the best job I could do at work and be the best mom at home. It does not help that I am married to a momma’s boy who never had to clean or wash his own clothes. So I did all the housework. For some reason he can’t do both childcare and housework – but we’ll talk about that later.
For six months I didn’t have much of a life. It consisted of going to work, getting home from work, husband would then go to work. I would have to wash all the dishes from breakfast, lunch and dinner. Tidy up the day’s mess: toys, clothes, diapers etc. I would have to give the kids a bath and put them to bed. Let’s not forget grocery shopping, laundry and all that other fun stuff you do to keep the house running.
I had no time for me and I didn’t have time for friends. I would not even pick up the phone to call anyone. I was literally exhausted. Then I had the biggest scare of my life.
I found a lump in my breast. I was already seeking medical help for migraines, and exhaustion when we found the lump. They thought it was liquid and tried to remove it, but it was a solid mass. This is when the hardest time of my life began.
I had a lot of doctor’s appointments and I had to have many tests done. I was still going to work and I had a great boss who understood, but I had a crazy coworker who didn’t. She hated me being away so much and was rude and aggressive towards me. I was convinced I was dying and I must say that I hit rock bottom and fell into a great depression.
I just wanted to be home with my kids. I thought, “if this is the end then I want to spend every second with them.” The lump was removed and it was not cancer (thank God). When my medical leave was up I decided that life was too short. I loved being home with my kids. I didn’t want to miss a thing. I could not be involved in that rat race anymore. My husband and I both agreed it would be the best thing for me to stay home.
Considering all of life’s ups and downs, I often wonder: am I making the right decision? Will we have enough money? Will I teach my kids everything they need to know? Will I pass on my bad habits? Will I get bored or go crazy at home? Only time will tell. Stay tuned for my adventures of being a stay at home mother.